Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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