Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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