I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They have beer where we have blood.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
