I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
