Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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