i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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