end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
