it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
