enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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