I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
3 2 1 whiskey
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
