Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
