If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
