why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
