Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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