Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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