Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
