So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
