I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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