am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
