Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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