just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
