i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
