I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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