Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
