im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
