Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
