GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
