We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
