My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
