Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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