So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
