yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
