I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize