You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
