meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
