apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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