My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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