I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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