and i looked up. we had an audience...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
