Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
