I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize