Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
