Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize