I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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