Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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