he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
