I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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