U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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