We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
is it fun? or sober?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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