ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
