just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
