If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
