I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
