Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
