I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
