I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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