I want to make a zoo with you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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