dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
