Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm too high and old for this...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
