dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
