was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
