and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need water and some morals
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
